Peter (柯益友) (peterintaiwan) wrote,
Peter (柯益友)
peterintaiwan

Pop my balloon

The last 2 chapters for this semester have been hard. I have not understood the grammar and barely remember the vocabulary. Last week I got a low score on my dictation and 20% on my test. This week my grade on my dictation was a Question Mark. Yes, in place of a grade there is a bog, fat red "?".

I always feel like the odd man out. In my last 3 semesters there has NEVER been another students in my class who has (a) never learned a foreign language (b) has not had some exposure to Chinese [as in one of their parents or grandparents speak it] or (c) is not Japanese or Korean [who already know how to write characters].

For the last 2 semesters I have always had to go back and repeat chapters. I have accepted this as what I have to do. It just takes longer to learn Chinese for me. People say that if I didn't work I would learn faster. Well, I have to work to make money so I can learn Chinese. What about scholarships, they say. Well, I can't apply for any of the scholarships cause my grade isn't grades are not good enough.

I am going to stick with it, but to be honest I feel pretty deflated today. I see my classmates from my first semester. They are at least 15 chapters ahead of where I am. Yet here I am plodding along in the end of my third quarter at the same spot they were at halfway through their second quarter. I know I should not compare myself to them, but its hard. I just wish it would sink in. I've already been here 8 months--what is my problem?
Tags: mtc, stuff
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